I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize