I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
