May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
