Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize