he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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