hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My ATM looks so different sober.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
