Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
