he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
