he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
