You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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