so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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