He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
