Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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