SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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