I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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