the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
