I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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