There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
