The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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