Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
