every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
