proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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