Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
