The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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