You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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