Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
