End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
