i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
