At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
