I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
