the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
