you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
