my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
