how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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