He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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