I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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