My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
