well I can't set my house on fire every night
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
