I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
we should paint friendship bongs
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