seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
