Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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