and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
