I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
