so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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