oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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