Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
