I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
