it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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