Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
