We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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