just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
