i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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