So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
