Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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