So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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