matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
