you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
