Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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