He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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