well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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