Old men and throwing up are my life now.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
