we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
