I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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