So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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