I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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