My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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