love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
