glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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