the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
