my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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